I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
