I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
