You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
