i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
