I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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