im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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