Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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