Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
