uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize