I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
