I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
