What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
