I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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