sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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