it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
