4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
