Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Who died my cat blue again?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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