I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
