Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We have started to decorate penises.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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