Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
