listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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