There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
