I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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