I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
why do cheetos always look like penises
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
