Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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