somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
