dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
