just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
