I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I need to calm my uterus...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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