SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
