Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
