Duck Duck Cougar?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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