Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
