im drinking this country out of the recession.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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