Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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