Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
