Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
