i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
