Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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