well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In other news, I just burned my penis
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
