I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
