Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
