Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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