Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
