we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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