i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
