There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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