I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
