i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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