You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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