Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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