I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she smelled like a LAN party
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
