turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Too much gin, very little bucket
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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