i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
