I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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