I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
