Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
