i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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