Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
