she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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