I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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