I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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