Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
