the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
