sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
