he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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