I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
babies were throwing up all over the place
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
